I am going on holiday.
On Wednesday I'm going to Kraków in Poland for a week to visit a friend of mine and have a jolly time. It says on the internets that Krakow is really pretty, but cold, so I am packing a camera and a jumper.
I got sent a bizarre 1970s guidebook to Poland, and I can't tell whether the jokes are mangled in the translations or if the author is a weirdo. My favourite part is the section on Polish Women:
"The girls of today are definitely no uglier than their mothers and grandmothers. Physical exercise and diet have lengthened and slimmed their figures - it is said of them that their legs grow 'straight out of their throats'. Foreign visitors talk of a 'beauty explosion' on the streets of Polish towns."
"Less has been sung of other feminine accomplishments. And, looks apart, they have plenty more to their credit in life. Suffice to say that 956 women hold senior university appointments."
It goes on to describe how the super good looking Polish women are taking over Poland and stealing all the men's jobs, or somesuch. Those crazy Poles. Still, it has got me interested in meeting Polish women. Beauty explosion, eh? I'm there!
There are also sections on Polish Mathematicians, cinema, horses, vodka, fighting, foreign students (with a possibly offensive cartoon of one under a tree), and windmills.
Here are some jokes about Poland I've just written that I'm going to impress my friend with:
What do you call a Polish cat?
A Polecat!
Where is the illness Polio from?
Poland!
What do you call a Polish nudist?
A Pole-ar Bare!
Why did the Polish man need ointment?
Because he Warsaw. (was sore!)
Posted on: Monday, 29th January 2007
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House FAQ #2
Why can't I find the item I require?
It is your fault.
Posted on: Sunday, 28th January 2007
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Films Reviews Box
Part of the intention of this blog was to recommend films that I like that you might not have seen, but then I didn't watch that many films, and also I couldn't be bothered. Anyway, I might revive it if I see something good/interesting. Which I have!
Last week I went to see the Prestige at the Pheonix Arts in Leicester. (The Pheonix is like a little independant cinema, and it seems to be the only place that doesn't have something really really bad on every screen). It was super. It has Christian Bale in it, who looks freakishly like my friend Owen, and Hugh Jackman, who doesn't. They are magicians, and they have a rivalry and all manner of wackiness (drama, jealousy and intrigue!) ensues. I liked it. It is directed by Christopher Nolan, who made Memento and Batman Begins. It has David Bowie in, who looks weirdly like Ricky Gervais for some reason. I give it 8 out of 10, because some of it was a bit daft and scifi-ie.
I also watched Children of Men on shiny digital magic disc. That was good as well. It was wicked.
Posted on: Saturday, 27th January 2007
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Thrilling Mikeynet News
I have updated my other web site, Mikeynet. It has a lovely new design (courtesy of Dave G) and some new features including the Adventures of Pacman.
You will certainly find it fantastic, so click on it.
Posted on: Wednesday, 24th January 2007
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Loo-loo
When I was at school, the toilets were the worst place ever. They were cold, dirty and the floor was covered in wee. Also, the hard kids were always in there smoking, safe in the knowledge that no staff would dare open the door due to the nightmarish stench.
I always imagined the staff toilets to be luxurious by comparison; gold seats, marble floors, a man stood by the door to hand you a towel, bidets, that kind of thing. But actually, staff toilets in schools are just as rotten. The ones where I work have urinals that start to fill up when they flush, which can be a problem if you're peeing in them at the same time. And there's nothing you can do except hope that it doesn't overflow. It's a race against the clock!
I went in yesterday, and found the floor was wet. Someone lost! Ha ha! A good game would have been to find out who had the wet shoes.
Anyway, finding out school staff toilets are also revolting is another one of those things that are making me increasingly disillusioned about adulthood; that and the increasingly apparent realisation that nobody else really knows what they're doing either. I wish I was 8 again, or at the very least had tons of Lego.
Posted on: Friday, 19th January 2007
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House FAQ #1
Whose turn is it to empty the bins?
Yours.
Posted on: Friday, 19th January 2007
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Robot Teeth.
I need to go to the dentist, because I've a feeling some of my teeth are decaying from the insides. I'm getting this suspicion because 1) my teeth hurt and 2) I like sugar. I'll have to register with one though, and I'm hesistant. This isn't because I have a fear of dentists - the only traumatic dentist experience I ever had was when I was 21 and that was because it cost £70 - but more because I find them creepy and weird. They're people who look in other people's mouths! And then they charge you £20 for the priviledge! Surely, in the 21st century, we should have robot teeth by now and be able to eat as many penny chews as we like without fear of turning into Shane McGowan.
Anyway, if mouthwash is just 50% alcohol, does that mean I can use whisky as mouthwash? I have a plan... (or was that Shane McGowan's plan?)
Posted on: Saturday, 13th January 2007
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Disco 2007
I've not posted here for over a week; I'd love to say it's because I've been busy, or because I've had a serious illness, but the truth is I couldn't be bothered. I have also been spending time updating the recently neglected Mikeynet but I've not finished that yet.
2007 seems to be alright so far; seems to be like the last year, only better because it's in the future. You can tell 2007 is the future, because there are buildings made of glass, cars that tell you which direction to go in, and hoverboards. Hoverboards and lasers. Hoverboards and lasers and apocalyptic ninjas!
Posted on: Friday, 12th January 2007
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special mikeynet preview image
Posted on: Monday, 1st January 2007
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