This is the weblog of Mike Congreve. Like Star Wars, only better.

Tyred and Emotional

This weekend I learnt how to change a tyre! This is how:

Break your tyre - you can do this by hitting the kerb really hard with your car!

Hope the rattling noise goes away.

Pull over

Start crying

Look for car instruction book

Try to work out what "Turn Spare Wheel Release (2) With Wheel Wrench (1)" means. (It means there's a screw hidden under the floor of the boot that you have to turn with the similarly hidden wrench which makes the wheel come out from under the car)
Get confused that the book refers to an entirely different type of wheel to that which you car has

Continue to be confused

Get someone else to do it

Throw wheel in boot and stop crying

Also, here is a task: imagine a house in which not just one Jolly but 2 live. Draw a picture.

Posted on: Sunday, 28th October 2007
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The problem with getting older is that all that happens is you get more and more responsibilities. You can stay out late and drive to London at 3am for no good reason, listining to music with gratuituous swearing in whilst in the nude, but the chances are you would lose your job. This is because as soon as you hit 18 you've pretty much got every right you're ever going to get. Sure, you have to wait till 21 to become an MP (woo!), and, if you're an American, you have to wait to be 35 to become President, but these are pursuits that tend to only interest Young Conservatives and millionnaires. Neither of which are me.

I propose, therefore, that our rights are staggered. Here is my proposal:

17 Right to drive
18 Right to vote
19 Right to have your own TV in your room
20 Right to drink nice beers
21 Right to grow sideburns
23 Allowed to become a kid's TV presenter
25 Right to grow a beard
27 Can become an astronaut
32 Can wear a top hat
35 Can drive a lorry
40 Allowed to enjoy the music of Phil Collins
70 Earns right to complain about how they weren't allowed to grow a beard until they were 30
110 Allowed to live in the Big Brother house with the celebrities of your choice.
(Whatever age I happen to be) - 4 Right to be in the same pub as me.

Posted on: Saturday, 20th October 2007
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joke

Here is today's bad joke

Two monkeys are in the bath. One of them goes "ooh ooh ooh ooh!" so the other one goes "put some cold water in then!"

Now why is my RSS feed still b0rked?

Posted on: Friday, 19th October 2007
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zaaa zaaa an acceptable pasta sauce!

I've been too busy to write anything on here - my life is just too exciting - so here is a video off the telly.

Posted on: Thursday, 18th October 2007
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a video

Posted on: Tuesday, 2nd October 2007
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Hey, man.... slow dowwwwwn load.

I just ordered a tickety thing to download the new Radiohead album! Hooray! At the price of my choice, as well, making it doubly ace. I was tempted to get the Discbox - but Ł40 is a bit steep even if it comes on CD and vinyl with freaky Stanley Downwood/Thom Yorke scribbles all over it and comes with a free voucher to go round Colin Greenwood's house for tea. Which it doesn't.

Older generations hark on about the smell and warmth of a newly purchased records, and even with CDs I still feel the gleeful anticipation hacking into the shrink-wrap and looking at the pretty pictures in the CD inlay on the bus home. And, I know it makes me sound like an old man, because I am, You just don't get that with downloads. But needless nostalgia gets a bit boring after a while, so maybe I should get over it, and start creating my own Radiohead CD artwork. It's quite easy, you just paint some wavy lines and scrawl stuff like "I am in a GOOD MOOD this morning, so I have NOT PACKED MY KNIFE!" behind the CD tray on the corner so you can hardly see it.

...which reminds me of the feature I did on Mikeynet about an obsessive Radiohead fan during the time when Amnesiac came out. Which I was at the time.

Eee, kids today, don't know what they're missing, with their downpods and iloads.

Posted on: Tuesday, 2nd October 2007
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Tyred and Emotional

know your rights.

joke

zaaa zaaa an acceptable pasta sauce!

a video

Hey, man.... slow dowwwwwn load.