This is the weblog of Mike Congreve. Like Star Wars, only better.

Today's New Revised English Standard Blog Post

Right; I said I’d write more stuff here and more stuff I shall write. I haven’t decided whether to shift most of the old blog over to here or not; what do you think?

Here are some things that have been troubling me this week:

There’s hundreds of Bible translations available nowadays. Some good, some bad. Some translate each word individually as closely as possible, some go for more of a thought-for-thought approach. I personally think there’s a case for both, but anyway.

They might be doing a good job at translating, but they’re pretty poor at naming them. It’s like they sit around with magnetic fridge poetry with the words “Standard”, “New”, “Version” , “Revised” and “Bible”. With such a limited vocabulary, it’s no wonder it’s getting a little bit silly.

Nonetheless, I’ve decided to applaud the naming efforts of the translation* teams by reviewing the names of the common Bible versions that you can buy from shops. *(well, marketing teams really; but I prefer the image of bearded theologians discussing font sizes)

The King James Version (aka Authorised Version) – The Bible everyone used to read, in the olden days when everyone used great words like smite and begot and thou and behold. Whenst thou pretendeth to be quoting the Bible thou quoteth this.
Sounds like: Regal and authoritative. Truly the translation of royalty.
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. James I didn’t translate it.
Not to be confused with: King Kong; New King James Version.
Rating: 4/5 The name exudes quality.

New International Version: Everyone loves the NIV! Well, I hope you do; it’s kind of the de facto standard around at the moment for better or worse.
Sounds like: The new, cool translation for the whole world! Woo!
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. It’s 30 years old and is in English.
Not to be confused with: TNIV, New Century Version, New Internationalist Magazine
Rating: 4/5 Simple. Clear. Nice

English Standard Version: Everyone loves the ESV! Well, everyone I’ve spoken to does.
Sounds like: Sounds grown up and clever; your Dad’s Bible.
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. It’s not the only standard version in English now is it?
Not to be confused with: NASB, London Evening Standard.
Rating: 3/5 Tries too hard, ripping off all the great Standard Versions of the past yet somehow managing to sound more standard than all of them.

New Century Version: The best thing about this translation is that it comes in Youth Bibles which have stories in about how you shouldn’t lie and steal – always a good read in church.
Sounds like: Someone’s copying the NIV
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. We’re well into the new century and I don’t know anyone who reads it.
Not to be confused with: NIV, 50 Cent.
Rating: 2/5 Rubbish name. Just rubbish.

Good News Bible: The GNB is most remembered for the funny little pictures with no faces and the way it uses easy words.
Sounds like: The kind of friendly Bible you want to tell all your problems to.
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. All Bibles contain the good news, not just this one (unless it’s a really really bad translation, I’d assume).
Not to be confused with: The News at 10, the Good Life.
Name rating: 4/5 Winds points for no “new” in name.

New King James Version: They aren’t even trying here.
Sounds like: someone can’t be bothered to think up a name for their translation! Slackers.
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. It’s got nothing to do with King James either. And it’s not that new.
Not to be confused with: The New Avengers, The New Adventures of He-man, James King.
Name rating: 1/5 Lazy.

Today’s New International Version: It’s a revised version of the NIV, and nobody wanted to call it NIV ’05 or anything.
Sounds like: The NIV people need to name their revised translation and suddenly realise they’ve already used the word ‘new’. Much arguing ensues as to why they didn’t just call the original the International Version so they wouldn’t have to think about this. The problem is solved by whacking the word “Today” on the start, even though, technically, this name makes very little sense at all.
Name Heresy: The name is a dirty lie. The old New International Version is still here today.
Not to be confused with: NIV, Tony’s Nude International Video.
Rating: 1/5 What are they going to call the next one? The New Revised Today’s New International Version? Gets a point for using the word “Today”.

Posted on: Tuesday, 29th November 2005
7 Comments Add a comment

A physician finds it of "great value"

Typing my surname into Google image search comes up with many things. Pictures of me, for example. This is my favourite thing:
Congreve's Balsamic Elixir
It really works too!

And if that's not enough, it's also recommended by uber-preacher "The late Rev C. H. Spurgeon"!! (presumably his lateness is entirely unrelated. I'd hate my name to be associated with the death of theological heavyweights).

Posted on: Monday, 28th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment

notting ham

I have a job interview on Wednesday in Nottingham. Am I likely to get shot or are East Midlands Today hyping it up for the sake of ratings?

Posted on: Sunday, 27th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment

The force is with me.

Amongst other interesting things you notice when watching the six Star Wars films consecutively (like how much you miss daylight) is the fact that the films actually get better as you go along. Until the Ewoks appear, anyway. Full write-up later, hopefully, but remember - There's always a bigger fish. Apparently.

Posted on: Tuesday, 15th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment

Room 1984

People see me as a cheerful chap who loves everyone, but that's not true. As I wish to be as transparent and honest as possible, I shall let you into the truth about the darker side of my personality. There are some things I don't like. These are they:

Swans
Who likes swans? The Queen? Supposedly, all the country's swans belong to the Queen, but that doesn't mean she likes them. She likes Corgis more. I bet she doesn't even care if people nick them.

I don't like swans. I'm probably supposed to, swans are meant to be the most beautiful of all birds, and the very ugly duckling seemed pretty chuffed when he turned out to be one. I suspect that's because he could break a man's arm, though. To me, however, the swan seems sinister and aloof. Always acting like he's king of the pond. According to wikipedia, overturned swans cannot right themselves and drown. Interesting.

That advert for some silly mousse that makes your hair stick up
This snotty young person spikes his hair up and then rudely laughs at his Dad. Then he goes to the cinema with his similarly hateable and foolishly haired chums where they not only block the view but start crying. Idiots. Oh, and also the advert is shot in this slightly-too-fast way that makes you feel ill. I hate it. I also hate that advert where that man decides not to dress nicely because he makes his own rules. Try using that excuse when you run over someone, mate.

Dentists
I'm not afraid of dentists, but I think their obsession with teeth is a little worrying. They train almost as much as a normal doctor to become an expert on teeth? OK, sugar is bad. Brush lots. I get it. Thanks. Now charge me Ł20 and I'll be on my way.

Swans
I've said this one, haven't I?

Maroon 5
Maroon 5 are the most terrible band in the world. Worse than Westlife. Worse than Toploader. Worse even than Jefferson Starship. The singer out of Maroon 5 (I would look up his name but I prefer calling him "the singer") possesses the kind of voice that makes me want to scratch my fingers down a blackboard to take the pain away. He also seems to think he's really good looking and keeps staring at the camera like it's his wife or something.

And all their music videos have the structure: Singer sings a bit/Singer meets hot woman/Singer gets off with hot woman/Singer sings some more/Singer gets of with woman a bit more/Singer sings a bit. All the while, the rest of the band plays some spectacularly unfunky beats, and Mikey C begins to cry because he can't find the remote.

People in the Internet
Yeah, you as well.

Posted on: Thursday, 10th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment

This week I have been mostly listening to:

I like listening to music, but I'm terrible at writing reviews. I'll probably expand upon these at a later date.

Maximo Park – A Certain Trigger (2005)
This album's definitly a grower. I should probaby learn something about them before I try to write somehing about them, but in the mean time I shall say that it is pretty decent.

Joy Division – Unknown Pleasures (1979)
The front cover shows a graphical transcription of a star going nova, but the music is as bleak as bleak can be (although how you measure bleakness I don't know). If you want to know where miserable goths come from, listen to this.

Franz Ferdinand – You Could Have It So Much Better (2005)
After spendng much of last year trying to convince people that I was the eponymous Michael from their debut album, (so sexy that straight men write love songs about me) I was looking forward to their follow up. It's good. Particularly cool is the first track “The Fallen” where Alex Kapranos seems to be struggling with theology – a throwback perhaps to his brief period studying Theology at Edinburgh. That track is probably worth buying the entire album for alone, so it's lucky there's some other cracking tunes on there.

Posted on: Wednesday, 9th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment

Welcome to my new Blog

Welcome to my new Blog on my new and shiny web site.

Mikeynet is far too silly in tone for me to be putting real, sensible things on, so I have shelled out on a new site and domain name.

Here is my BlogFAQ: (Well, really it's just some answers, nobody's ever asked any of them)

Why are you doing this?
I told you. Mikeynet is a silly place.

Why the horrid colours?
I like them. Blogs are always grey and have links everywhere; I'm trying to provide a non-bloated alternative, like Linux, only less awkward.

What is this blog about?
Ah right, yeah. I'm going to aim to write about popular culture (films, TV, music) and my life in general. Essentially stuff I know most about. I might also make it interesting if you're lucky (the blog, not my life; that's not likely to get interesting).

But why the horrid colours?
I like them.

How are you?
Fine thanks, how are you?

Design me a website!
OK, I'd be happy to. Whatever you want I'll give it a go. Wait a second, didn't you say the colours were horrid?

What are you using? Blogger? Typepad? This is well lame
Thank you, I wrote this blogging database stuff myself. It's not finished yet, and there's many features to add before it's as lovely as most sites. In the meantime, if something doesn't work, email me.

Posted on: Tuesday, 8th November 2005
0 Comments Add a comment